The Cost of Being ‘Put Together’: How Performing Strength is Draining Your Soul
- Robyn Robbins
- Aug 22
- 3 min read
You’ve mastered the art of performing strength—holding it together and appearing to have everything under control. Your career is thriving. Your outfits are flawless. Your smile never fades. People admire you for being dependable, polished, and unshakable.
But inside? You’re exhausted.
This is the hidden price of performing strength, of being the woman who’s always ‘put together.’ And for many of us, especially women of color, it’s not just exhausting—it’s soul-draining.
The Perfectionism Trap
Perfectionism in women often looks like this:
Working twice as hard to prove your worth
Saying “yes” to everyone because you don’t want to disappoint
Keeping your struggles quiet to avoid being labeled “weak, difficult, and or angry"
Measuring your value by your productivity or achievements
This isn’t just about ambition — it’s about survival. Society has conditioned us to believe that we can’t afford to be seen as messy, unprepared, or vulnerable. So we hide behind perfection.
But what looks like strength on the outside is often emotional suppression on the inside.
The Hidden Cost of Suppression
When you’re always performing strength, your emotions don’t disappear. They just get buried. And buried emotions have a way of resurfacing in painful ways while appearng in the places we least expect it.
You may find yourself experiencing:
High-functioning anxiety: You look like you’re handling it all, but behind the scenes, you’re overthinking, overworking, and overstressing.
Emotional exhaustion: The endless act of keeping it together drains your joy and creativity.
Disconnection from self: You lose sight of what you feel, what you want, who you truly are, and what you truly need.
Physical Manifestation: The weight and stress of it all begins to show itself as chronic headaches, migraines, blurred vision, brain fog, weight gain, weight loss, low productivity- no longer able to execute at the level you are used to.
It’s like wearing a mask so long you forget what your own face looks like.
Why Performing Strength Feels So Normal
For many women, the pressure to be “put together” isn’t optional — it’s inherited. We’ve been told since childhood:
“Don’t let them see you sweat.”
“You have to be twice as good to get half as much.”
“Never give anyone a reason to doubt you.”
"Don't look like what your going through"
So we learn to show up polished and perfect. But what happens when that performance starts draining the very soul it was meant to protect?
How to Break Free From the Performance Strength
It begins with healing! Healing begins when you give yourself permission to stop performing strength and say yes to you first for once.
Here are a few ways to begin:
Release the myth of perfection. You are not lovable because you’re flawless. You are lovable because you’re human.
Honor your emotions. Journaling, therapy, life coaching, or safe conversations can help you stop suppressing what you feel.
Redefine strength. True strength isn’t how well you hide — it’s how courageously you allow yourself to be seen.
Rest unapologetically. Rest is not laziness; it’s restoration. You don’t have to earn it.
Seek aligned spaces. Surround yourself with women who allow you to drop the mask and embrace your softness.
Choosing Wholeness Over Performance
Being “put together” may protect your image, but it can cost you your peace, relationships, and ultimately you. You don’t have to keep proving yourself or carrying the weight of perfectionism.
There’s a new way forward — one where your worth isn’t tied to performance, where vulnerability is honored, and where your soul finally gets to exhale.
Ready to Release the Pressure?
You don’t have to keep performing. It’s time to reclaim your freedom, rest, and softness
Join us for Soft & Sovereign in Bali. Our Sacred Soul Healing Excursion is a space designed to help high-achieving women break free from perfectionism, release emotional suppression, and finally find peace beyond high-functioning anxiety. Learn more & Reserve your seat today!
xoxo
Robyn Robbins
The Sacred Life Alchemist
| Helping high-achieving women birth free, soft, fulfilled, and spiritually aligned lives through inner healing and feminine restoration.
Master Life Coach
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